Mea Culpa

I started this blog in an attempt to lose weight and gain control of my life. I thought if I made my struggle public, it would not only inspire me but shame me into taking drastic action. Apparently not.

So here I am, 5 months into my blog and not only haven't I lost any weight, but I've actually gained weight! I have no one to blame but myself: I'm not taking it seriously, I'm too lazy and I'm not disciplined enough.

As much as I want to be a 'free spirit' and do things my own way, I can't. I'm not strong enough and I need some help.

I feel like a fraud writing this blog when I'm failing so miserably.

Last night, I did something drastic and joined Unislim. I know, it goes against everything I've written about 'diets' but I'm desperate to change. Something. Anything. After the meeting, the Unislim leader, Bernie spent half an hour with me trying to figure out my eating habits. She said something very important to me, "You can't think of this as a 'diet,' you have to think of this as a permanent lifestyle change." Apparently, she hates the word, 'diet' as much as I do.

So onto the scale, I went.

23.4 stone.

I put on a pound since last month! I'm in freefall.

The meetings are every Thursday night and so every Friday I'll post my weight- losses hopefully. Weighing myself once a month is not working for me. There is way to much time to get into trouble. Then before I know it, not only has the 26th (weigh day) creeped up on me but more weight as well.

I've decided that if I fail at this, I will stop writing this blog. It's ridiculous for me to write about weight loss when all I'm doing is gaining.

But I have to make the effort.

For the next week, I'm going to think about how important this issue really is to me and how much am I willing to sacrifice of my level of comfort to make the changes necessary. And what kind of effort I'm going to put into it.

Do or die.