In the previous post, I mentioned my abnormal fear of the idea of 'permanence.' This came up at Lynn's Weigh, a blog that I follow, when a question was posed to successful 'losers' who had lost their weight and kept it off. The question was: 'What was it this time that did the trick? What clicked that hadn't clicked before? And there was one answer that really affected me. The person accepted the fact that they had to make permanent lifestyle changes.
Sigh.
It's the word permanent that scares the be-jesus out of me. The idea of giving up chocolate and the rest of my highly processed food permanently gives me the heebie-jeebies. Honestly, I don't know if I can do it. How will I cope? Will it trigger a slide back into that black hole of depression? What if I give it all up (the food, I mean) and nothing changes? What if my self confidence, my self image and my self esteem remain the same?
In her book, You Can Be Thin, Marissa Peer posits the theory that we do things out of habit that we link pleasure to and we avoid things that we link pain to. In its most simplistic terms, pain is a great motivator. Currently, I derive a lot of pleasure and comfort from eating the wrong kinds of food and I choose to ignore the pain that this causes. The pain being my inability to walk more than a few steps, the need for a double knee replacement at 44 and wearing the only designer label that fits me: 'morbidly obese.' I must have a high pain threshhold, for how long can I ignore these painful facts? And there are more of these if I should choose to list them.
In the same vein, it's the pain I focus on when I think about that I have to 'give' up my favorite foods, choosing to ignore the pleasure that's linked with permanent weight loss: better health, improved mobility, better looks, more self confidence and the list goes on.
Before I can really tackle my weight, I need to do some 'mental' prep work. I can look at the past 8 months as a failure but I can't; I prefer to see it as a journey which is how I arrived here in this spot today. It's the same as building a house without a proper foundation. I cannot deal with my body until I deal with my mind.
It's time to work on changing my attitude.
And the journey of enlightment and awakening continues.
Crikey - how did you get to be so sensible?! You're exactly right, and permanence is a scary thing. When I gave up smoking, it was the guilt of having to lie to Alice that I hadn't had any, when I had. I couldn't do it. It made me feel terrible, psychologically. But it IS.. WAS so hard. Right now, the only thing that's keeping me away from anything with sugar in it, is the knowledge that I'll have a hot-flush five minutes later. I'm getting proper sick of these. it's either the tablets I'm on or I'm approaching another crisis of the mid-life variety. Great. Supportive vibes wending their way across the (Irish?) sea x
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend....when you get to the point that you begin to lose weight & your mind changes & sees the benefits (as I am seeing once again in my own life), you will begin to understand that the only "permanence" will be that your mind has changed. That in itself is huge!! You will also see that you won't have to give up everything you enjoy....but rather you will have less of it & enjoy it more!! One thing I've learned in ALL my years of trying to lose weight...when my body craves something such as chocolate, I eat a much smaller amount. You know how much I've struggled with my weight for my entire life...you hang in there!! You are a very smart lady & when the time is right & you feel led to make your changes, you will!! I'm on your side...and I support you 200%!! :)
ReplyDeleteMichelle-
ReplyDeleteOnce again you have pinpointed my thoughts to a tee!! Its almost like you read my mind! I know if I do this I will be better so why can't I do this seemingly huge thing? I am with you, my IA sister!
Thanks ladies for your support.
ReplyDeleteErin, I ask myself the same ?- I know it would be better if I lost weight so why can't I do it? It's not rocket science. What is it about food that it has such a hold on me?
Ladies, we'll get there someday.