Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Note to My High School Self
When I look back at my high school years, which I do often in order to find answers, I wonder if I could have done anything differently. Turns out, I probably could have. I've come to the conclusion that the problem was me and not those around me. I had a terminal case of the disease to please and the need for approval from certain people. If I hadn't been so afflicted maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I would have turned out differently.
I can't change the past, but what I can do is write a little letter to my high school self and give that girl some badly needed advice.
Dear High School Michele (1980-1984)
1) High school will not be the best time of your life as so many people insist that it will be. But that doesn't mean that it's the end. For you, the best time of your life will be college, and mainly the years 1985- 1989.
2) Stop obsessing about being fat and unattractive. Thicken your skin and ignore what other people say. Don't let it become your mantra. Thoughts are things. And as you thinketh, you becometh.
3) Get over you know who. Now. You've had a crush on him since kindergarten and you kissed him in the first grade. He doesn't even know that you are alive except for that one time when he nailed you in the face with a snowball in the seventh grade. Besides, later in life, this all American hero ends up going to prison.
4)FYI: it's not normal for a 17 year old girl to come home from school, put her robe on and go to bed, unless of course she's doing drugs. You, however, are not doing drugs. You're depressed and it's time to tell someone.
5)Sneaking a dozen doughnuts into the house and hiding them in your bedroom closet is a real bad idea. If hoarding were an Olympic sport, you could medal in it.
6)Stop being such a prude and a goody- goody! Break some rules once in awhile. Force yourself on your sisters even if they don't want you around. They sure look like they're having fun.
7)Grow your hair long. Do not listen to those people from the short hair brigade who are all over the age of 40. They don't know what's best for you. But if you do grow it long, invest in a good set of hot rollers- trust me- by the time you turn 22, you'll have fabulous hair.
8) When you weigh in at 134 lbs on the school scale and the school nurse tells you that you are overweight, say thank you and proceed to punch her right in the face. Ditto the doctor and everyone else who feels it's their 'God-given right' to comment on it.
9) You were onto something when you bought that little stationary Huffy bike from Twin Fair and pedalled your brains out for 9 months and the weight came off without dieting. It's a shame that the chain fell off and it couldn't be fixed.
10) Becoming thin will not change how you feel about yourself- you'll find that hard lesson out later in 1992. You'll still have the same outlook, the same opinions and the same low self esteem. You need to fix your head first before you can fix your body. * Also thin does not imply wealth. How you ever came up with that scenario is beyond your older self.
11) Tell someone about the bullying. Anyone. Just to vent it. Even if it's Boots. He's a good dog, he'll listen.
12) You will always be a late bloomer. With everything in your life. And that's ok, because when you're 44, you'll know that there's still alot of good coming your way.
13) Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.
Love,
Michele 2010
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Oh I LOVE this Michele, I wish we'd grown up together then we could have taken on the world (armed with what we know now, obvs!). xxx
ReplyDeleteI love to read your blogs and keep up on your very interesting life. I am surprised at how much alike we were in school and a little shocked as well. I always have seen you as a strong, intelligent, and successful woman. And a 4 bedroom house now! You are a rock star. Thanks for the great writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much- one of the few things I have done right in my life is making fabulous friends on both sides of the Atlantic.
ReplyDeleteI love this. It's a shame we can't go back and at least give our high school selves a hint of the future ahead.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debs!
ReplyDeleteMichele, my high school years also were not that enjoyable (or memorable for that matter) — for different reasons which sucked just the same. Anyone who wishes they could be a teenager again is either: a) lying; b) insane; or c) one of the people that I'd punch in the face if I could do it all over again!
ReplyDeleteI think that there are more people out there who didn't enjoy high school, than those who did. For a long time, I thought it was just me.
ReplyDeleteOh Michele, I was so moved by this... I havent been on blogger for a while and reading yours today reminded me why I do it and how much I missed it. Keep the faith? Fx
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ReplyDeleteNow I know why we became such good friends in that place we called "IA"...we were very much the exact same with our depression, our outlook on ourselves & our outlook on life!!! In all though, I wouldn't have traded a minute of those 4 years...because, after all is said & done, we did have some really great & funny times. If we knew then what we know now......
ReplyDeleteWe'll always be friends, I'm here if you need me!! :)
And remember Paula, we were 'Wonder Women' in Mrs. Looby's 9th grade homeroom, and we're still Wonder Women now :)
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ReplyDeleteOh yes, we were & are Wonder Women!!! I'll NEVER forget those times, even the bracelets!!! hahahahaha - Life does get better, my friend!! Just keep your positive outlook & everything will work out just fine! :)
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ReplyDeleteHey Michele- I just found this post and oh WOW- you have done a great job of writing- to the point I thought you were writing about me!! Only I would have to add just because I graduated at the bottom of our class does not mean I am stupid!! you are an amazing writer! I hope you can find some peace in your current situation- I wish I could afford to come to Ireland and visit with you in person! Keep your chin up!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Erin!
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