It's that time of the month again.
Despite everything, I got on the scale and faced up to the fact that since the last weigh in, things haven't been good and I have no one to blame but myself.
Here are the stats and it isn't pretty:
313 lbs
22.5 stone
142.8 kg
I'm right back where I started: square one. In 2 months, I've come full circle. I've gained back the weight that I lost. It was the shortest yo yo diet I've ever been on.
I don't feel sorry for myself and I'm not beating myself up over it. It is what it is. I will dust myself off and get back up.
Besides, I'm afflicted with a terrible condition: it's a thing called hope and I've got it in spades. Deep down inside, somewhere, I believe, no- I know, that I'm going to pull myself together, close my mouth and fulfill my potential and be my ideal weight.
I've gained weight. I'm no further ahead as far as getting out of my dysfunctional marriage than I was 5 months ago. I agonise over how the divorce will affect the boys. I'm struggling with 2 very different drafts of the same novel that I've been trying to write for the last year.
And yet, I feel happy today. Perhaps it was the sunshine. It could have been the realization that I'm analyzing details too much instead of focusing on outcomes. Or maybe- just maybe- it was the fact that I didn't beat myself up. Maybe today, I'd love myself, faults and all.
Tomorrow, I may be on that slide into despair. But I have today. And I'm full of hope.
Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau
Oky Doky Chicky-Pooh :)!!! From what I read in your latest blog, you have 4 MAJOR issues going on right at this moment...
ReplyDelete1. Your separation & divorce
2. Your kids reaction to the above
3. Your weight
4. Your novel ideas....
My dear friend...PLEASE! - pick 1 thing and work on that a the time.
When we are overloaded (which you definitely are), we blow! You have the capacity to do anything your heart desires - I know you - so take it 1 step at a time.
I'm soooooo proud of you for being HAPPY today despite your news from the scale. Those blasted things anyways...we ought to take them out and shoot them!
You are where you should be right now, build your foundation 1 brick at a time.
You have my support & love!!
Oh, I thought I'd left a comment.
ReplyDeleteEcho what Paula says. And whilst it's admirable and (currently) a great distraction to have so many balls in the air at once - maybe concentrating on getting one project up and running would be the sensible option.
Says me. I'm the same as you. If I know there are other balls that need attention, then I'd rather give them a little and spread it around than give one the whole thing. What does that make us? Women I guess! I'm the same at work. Half a dozen things on the go and I'll still fit in another quickie if it's asked of me. Have you tried black and white lists? Sometimes getting the jumble out of your head and down on paper is the best way to sift through priorities.
Bless you - I have every faith in you that this will all work out. And this time next year this will all be more great material x
Thanks, ladies. I know I have way too much going on and sometimes I'm paralyzed by indecision as to what I should tackle first. I am a big 'list' person.
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